UNZIPPING FRENCH POLITICS

UNDER THE BED IN THE PRESIDENTIAL PALACE.

           With all the fuss over President's Macron's attempt to reform the pension system and raise the retirement age, there hasn't been time for that traditional feature of French political life, the sex scandal.

           In 2014, a paparazzo snapped then-President François Hollande sneaking out of the presidential palace on a moped tricycle, supposedly to deliver croissants to his actress mistress. Then Benjamin Griveaux, nominee of now-President Emmanuel Macron for mayor of Paris, was revealed to have texted his petite amie “Can’t wait to see you and your magnificent breasts again this evening. Look what a state you’ve got me in this morning” and added a graphic selfie.

           Griveaux started in politics as adviser to Dominique Strauss-Kahn, former head of the International Monetary Fund, and favoured to become President until his sexual indiscretions came to light.

           "You'd think that would have taught Griveaux something," a journalist friend remarked, "but, as they say, a hard dick has no intelligence. Look at this business with the mayor of…" He named a large town in the Dordogne.

           "Why? What's he been up to?"

           "The way I heard it, he took his secretary home at lunchtime for a little light dictation. When his wife turned up unexpectedly, the secretary grabbed her clothes and hid in the trunk of his car. But the wife's car wouldn't start, so she drove his to the market. And when she opened the trunk…..voila."

           "Which part don't you believe?"

           "Who ever heard of a mayor's wife doing her own shopping? And anyway, hypermarchés all home-deliver. No - the whole thing's a set-up."

            Given the rich catalogue of French political scandals, the misadventures of a provincial mayor were hardly front-page material. Why were there no more cases like that of the 'sixties politician who changed his vote in a crucial debate when his opponent arrived at a reception with the madame of the former's favourite brothel on his arm?  Were spin doctors getting better at their jobs?

           "Not at all," said my friend. "Griveaux sent his text in 2018. It only came to light when he ran for mayor in 2020. You watch. Both sides are hoarding their ammunition. The moment Macron and LePen go head to head in 2027, there'll be scandals to spare."

           Probably not on the scale of the demise of President Felix Faure in 1899, who suffered a stroke at the Élysée Palace.  His doctor arrived in a panic, but, before entering the presidential apartments, enquired anxiously "Is someone taking care of him?"

           "Not any more," said an imperturbable chamberlain. "She was away in a cab before we even got him back into his trousers.”

The death of President Felix Faure, 1899 - the official version.

           The lady, Marguerite Steinheil, became Paris's hottest trophy date.  Her lovers included the composers Charles Gounod and Jules Massanet, authors Pierre Loti and Emile Zola, glassmaker and jeweler René Lalique, and the king of Cambodia. Until recently, her nude statue stood in the lobby of the Chambre des Deputés, France's Congress, and superstitious members stroked her breasts for luck.  I don't see a bronze facsimile of M. Griveaux's bite being accorded the same reverence, not even in an election year, but in politics one never can tell.